How it all began.
Tales from Lower Piddle, set in our little backwater hamlet, will tell of the comings and goings of our exaggerated local characters, who inhabit it's quaint medieval cottages. It will eventually be inhabited by 10-15 colorful, quirky characters who'll be endowed with those legendary British good looks and teeth.
Our protagonists
Our two protagonists, Ollie Crudfark and Micky Mucklebutt are fixtures at the local The Fat Cow pub. They’ve been friends since they first wet their underwear together at Lower Piddle Primary School and thereafter did everything together, until the day they both failed the college entrance exams together, which finally forced them onto separate career paths.
Ollie is now head chef at the local Mucky Duck pig farm, cooking the swill to his own secret recipe, and making him legendary in pig circles, especially following his publication in the Lower Piddle Medical Journal - “How pig-swill, applied twice daily, cured my face acne.”
Micky never did get a job, but has, since the arrival of Sophia, a well endowed Italian girl, who took over the local car service station, been hopeful that she’d notice him, fall in love with his ardent manliness, marry him, and they'd live happily ever-after, “frolicking” in what he describes as her “magical service bay.” Or he might win the lottery instead.
The Girls.
Sophia Bellamucca, moved from a small village in Italy to become the much-needed village car mechanic. She delights in “A-squeezing a-mora power out-a any mans machina I geta ma hands on.” Her timing was seemingly impecable because since she renamed the garage to SOPHIA’S HAND LUBRICATION SERVlCE, there’s been a plague of car problems with most needing parts tightened up, hand-adjusted and lubricated, sometimes as often as twice weekly. She is Micky's first love interest.
FLO is Ollie's wife and not always the happiest of souls because she struggles to make ends meet on Ollies, Mucky Duck Pig Farm salary. Flo feels Ollie needs to earn more money, which spurs him into thinking of zany ideas, most of which will never work and are in any case often way beyond his capabilities - although he never realizes that.
Sample scene
MICKY and OLLIE polish off a pint outside The Fat Cow pub. Micky looks up and sees Ollie's wife Flo struggling with a heavy bag of groceries.
MICKY: Hello Mrs Crudfark. Looks like you've got a nice old supper for Ollie in that shopping bag it does.
FLO: Potatoes is what I have here Micky cos that's alls we can afford until my big lump of an husband there finds a way to make extra money. An’ don't waste any more money on beer, do you hear me Ollie?.
OLLIE: I does my little buttercup. It's Micky's round now. And anyways you know I loves your potatoes ... even that really crispy one that chipped my tooth the other night still TASTED lovely. 'Ere Flo, come and give us a kiss luv.
FLO: It’ll take more than a kiss from you Ollie Crudfark to get back in my good books. The last time I got any romancing from you was when you came home drunk last Christmas and wouldn’t stop rubbing my belly.
MICKY: Ah, that’s lovely Mrs Crudfark.
FLO: It might have been if he hadn’t started calling me Gertrude Micky.
Micky turns to Ollie.
MICKY: That’s that big fat pig of yours at the farm isn’t it Ollie?
Ollie drops his head.
FLO: Exactly Micky. Sucked all the romance right out of the moment it did. Like throwing a bucket of cold water over my feminine glow. An’ dinner’ll be ready at 7 o’clock sharp Ollie Crudfark, so you make sure you're home in time.
OLLIE (Embarrassed and red faced)
I will buttercup. Soon as Micky coughs up for our last pints I’ll be on my way. Bye my little bundle of joy.
Flo looks back at Ollie and scowls.